Crossroads

I need to limit the amount I discuss this topic at least until I make a decision because my business card, one that lists my web site address, is in the hands or pockets of some people with a lot of influence over my life right now. Blogging is great, but I need to keep in mind that everything I write is open for public consumption. I'm banking on the fact that nobody finds my life interesting enough to actually spend the time out of their busy day to give this more than a cursory glance. Let's hope anybody in a position to steer my career, and thus a good chunk of the rest of my life, sees too dense of a page of words here and decides to blur right over them. If they do instead read this in detail, well, then maybe they will make my decision for me, and right now that doesn't sound so bad.

There comes at least one point in everybody's life when one must decide what is truly important to him. I've encountered one of these points before, right before I proposed to my girlfriend, quit my job in St. Paul, and moved to Mobile, Alabama to be with her. I am faced with a doozey of a decision right now, one that needs to be made by Friday, one that could either bring my professional life back full-circle to where it was before I left Minnesota or turn the last two years and my current hiatus into a departure from the business/insurance/programming/analysis world I have been wrestling with since I entered it. Today's events can be interpreted in two ways: (1) as a sign, saying "this is where you should be so quit fighting it and take this perfect opportunity before the stars stop aligning and it is no longer offered," or (2) a test, questioning what I value more, money or career satisfaction. Please note here that if the decision was as clean cut as that, I would go the career satisfaction route. There are other factors and gray areas in my decision to complicate the process. I don't know for sure if I will be unsatisfied working in the high paying job and vice-versa.

Before I go any further, maybe I should fill you in on what I'm talking about, as I'm sure you are thoroughly confused by now. I interviewed with a small company, AdminServer, that is being hired out by Securian, the large insurance company for which I worked in Minnesota. I was given a very attractive offer on the spot to join them as a business analyst and work with/for the same group of people I called my team at my old company. The idea is I would have instant rapport with these people and already have some knowledge of their business systems, so I could make a good liaison right off the bat. To continue the baseball metaphor, I would need to start this job soon because the project is in full swing. Unfortunately this conflicts in a major way with my plans to be a production assistant/intern on a movie shoot from June 19 - July 28. There's no way I can do both. AdminServer told they can't wait for me -- if I want the job, I need to take it now.

See my dilemma? Either direction I go, a bridge is burned. I commited to the internship and it's a week before the shoot. If I back out now the director will probably yell, "I'll see to it that you never work in this town again!" and throw me out the door. Yet I hate to give up such a great opportunity at AdminServer. The job would be perfect in many ways. Part of the job would include travel. And guess where I'd be going -- to Minnesota, of course. Also, if R. and I ever did move back to Minnesota, I think I would have a really good shot of being hired on again by Securian because of my association with AdminServer and their software package, a major one that is going to impact how the whole company functions. It all fits together so well. There's more to it too. I just need to limit myself here. What it comes down to is if I loved the insurance business and wanted to stay in IT for the rest of my life, I would be set. Because I have been wanting to try something different and I have this yearning for more creativity, I might have to give up the money and stability that is currently up for grabs. Continuing the search for a job in video production is much more risky and has led to a lot of deadends already. There's also no way taking that route will pay half as well as the IT route (and probably not include fully paid, annual cruises to the Caribbean either).

That's all I can do for tonight. This decision weighs heavily on me. Any advice?