Right number

Here's some proof that our daughter's name was on my mind well before we gave it to her. This little clip from "A Series of Wrong Numbers" was shot in 2006:


But my love of the name actually dates back much further than that. Let's just say the whole thing is destiny.

40 weeks

Nobody told me we were going to get the absolute sweetest girl in the world when this whole thing started! I am such a happy, blessed, and proud papa to our little Veronica.

There's some action happening over at Three Peas, if you haven't checked it out already.

39 and a half weeks

It is happening. I'll let you know after it happened. Until then, enjoy these final pregnancy shots.

39 weeks

It really felt like something was going to happen last weekend, and then, just today, the feeling backed off. I wasn't sure I'd have the opportunity to post a 39-week photo, but now I'm thinking there may be a 40-week one as well. (Don't count on it, however. Labor will probably start as soon as we stop expecting it.)

This photo is more low-key than the previous few. Perhaps it's fitting that it was taken at home since we are "hunkering down" now... finishing our preparations... beginning to wait. Last week at this time, I didn't feel ready for a baby and I was stressing out over it. I'm sure everything would have worked out fine, but I'm glad we had the weekend to wash some baby clothes, make some exchanges at the store, and sort of say good-bye to our non-parenting lives.

There was also a dramatic change in the weather. An unusual stretch of gray days made life in general seem out of the ordinary, like the setting of a story we'd be telling for years to come, a birth story. This afternoon Santa Barbara is back to its usual sunny self and I feel more at ease. But it could change again... I haven't looked at the forecast. I never do out here.

300

No, not 300 weeks pregnant (I can't even imagine that). Rather, 300 blog entries. Sorry to switch counts on you.

How's this for a nice bit of symmetry? My 300th post comes exactly two years after my 200th post. In that entry, I discussed the future of Midnight Toast (called Jeblog at the time) and listed some goals for the site. Being on the brink of a big life change right now -- and at another multiple of 100 -- makes me think tonight is the perfect opportunity to do something similar.

My big announcement is that I started a new blog called Three Peas in a Blog. There's a permanent link in the menu bar at the top of this page. The design of the new site is still under construction, but I'm happy to report I found a way to post larger photos on it since the primary purpose is for sharing pictures (and video) of our sweet pea with family and friends who may be interested. The writing will probably be minimal on the new site because I don't want it to slow down my photo output, but we'll see how things play out. Maybe I'll even open up the gates and let R post some thoughts on it if she ever gets the urge.

Midnight Toast will continue to exist in its current incarnation. It will be reserved mainly for my creative projects and musings, similar to what you have seen in the last 300 entries. My free time will be limited in the coming months and years, so I can't promise there will be a lot of activity in this department, but there will be some, and I like the idea of keeping it separate from the flood of baby photos that is imminent. There may be some gray areas in my categorization of material, but I'll try to keep the overlap to a minimum.

In summary...

Midnight Toast
Creative doings, random thoughts, and an occasional recap of events. Example of content: a scripted "Cottage Cheese 2" sketch starring the wee one.

Three Peas in a Blog
Family photos and videos, with very brief descriptions. Example of content: footage of the wee one taking her first steps.

And of course there's always Twitter. That will continue to be a more immediate and less calculated look at day-to-day life.

My time has run short. I wanted to tease some info about my "Introspection" film trilogy that I'm planning to cover on Midnight Toast in the future, but it will have to wait. Unless you consider that right there to be a tease.

37 weeks

The count up continues. For those of you not well-versed in pregnancy (I sure wasn't eight months ago), a baby's due date falls at 40 weeks, although only around 5% of them actually arrive on that day. Generally, you can give or take about two weeks... which means it wouldn't be that unusual for labor to begin as early as next week. We're hoping to have a little more time before our girl makes her appearance, but you never know.

I'm trying to take a calmer approach to the whole situation. R has informed me that nervousness is not sexy. She needs me to be calm and collected through this. One thing that has been helping is Zen. I've been meaning to dedicate a blog entry to the topic, and I still may, but the short of it is a friend introduced us to the value of meditation last winter and we've been practicing it semi-regularly since. My interest has waxed and waned a bit, but I recently reinstated my daily sitting in the mornings before work. It's a chance for me to be still for a little while and observe my inner-self. I go into it without any expectations, and I find that it relaxes me. There's nothing else quite like it in my day.

In other news, some local friends threw us a baby shower brunch last weekend. (Yes, men were invited too -- deal with it.) They did such an amazing job with the decorations, food, games, etc. You have got to see the invitations that one of the hosts, Leslie, created. (She also gave us some wall art for the baby's nursery that is so awesome I won't feel that bad replacing my David Lynch movie posters with it :-) It feels great to have such sweet, talented friends. Many thanks to our hosts, as well as our other generous friends who attended the party and brought gifts for the baby.

I had my camera at the shower but didn't take it out of the case. I'm upset with myself for passing up the chance to photograph people other than ourselves for once, but I was distracted and some other folks had cameras too, so I let them handle it. If any shots from the event surface, I'll be sure to share them on here.

R and I did have our own little shoot by the Mission afterward. I even brought the tripod along, allowing for a few shots of the two of us, including the one below. Can you tell how excited we are?

35 weeks

Hey everybody. Just checking in with an updated belly photo and status. It would be an understatement to say my entries have been infrequent and focused on the pregnancy lately. This blog has always been indicative of what's been going on in my life, so it's clear to see where my mind has been and how all-consuming the transition to fatherhood is. To put this further into perspective, here's the stack of books we have been reading...

We are in the final stretch now. Sleep is already starting to get away from us -- away from R because she has somebody kicking her from the inside and away from me because of nerves. The remaining items on our to-do list are elusive and have a way of falling victim to a relentless clock. When I do find myself with time available to work on them, I feel frozen, unsure of how to proceed. Perhaps I'm stalling and not quite willing to accept that the big day is almost here. At the same time, I'm so excited to finally meet our daughter that I can hardly contain it. I'm sure it's relatively normal to be nervous and hesitant while on the cusp of a change like this, so don't worry about me.

I feel guilty for whining because I have it easy compared to R. She definitely has more responsibility in growing this child and more discomfort too. Her body is handling the pregnancy quite well, but it's not without difficulty. Things will get even harder before they are done... before this all culminates into what will probably be the biggest physical challenge of R's life (and also, hopefully, one of the most rewarding). Then there's the little detail about caring for a child after all of that; Giving birth is, obviously, just the beginning of the adventure.

This week's belly shot was taken aboard the Condor Express during a cruise around the harbor at sunset. The photo of the derelict boat below was taken during the same occasion. I've been playing around with it in Photoshop, tweaking the colors and exposure to add some interest. I'm sort of loving the beauty behind the murkiness of it right now.

Our little music enthusiast

Here's a list of concerts our baby has attended while in the womb:

• Beach House, 4/16/2010, SOhO


• Atoms For Peace (Thom Yorke's side project), 4/17/2010, Santa Barbara Bowl


• The Avett Brothers, 4/28/2010, Arlington Theater


• ThreadSpinner (w/ Dawes), 5/12/2010, SOhO


• Jónsi (front man of Sigur Rós), 6/7/2010, La Bataclan (Paris)


• ThreadSpinner, 6/25/2010, Velvet Jones


• ThreadSpinner (w/ Au Revoir Simone), 7/10/2010, Velvet Jones


• Toad the Wet Sprocket (w/ Jeff Bridges), 7/16/2010, Lobero Theatre


• Crooked Still, 8/21/2010, Lobero Theatre

Last weekend I attended a quite awesome Smashing Pumpkins show, but you will be relieved to hear that I did not bring the family along. I was (accurately) anticipating some high volume levels and wasn't sure what is acceptable for a developing baby's ears, so I went with a high school friend who drove up from LA instead. (Quick digression: That was an all-around weird, nostalgic 90s weekend topped off by a sighting of Jennie Garth from 90210 in a coffee shop that probably deserves a blog entry unto itself, but I'm not going to do it).

The Pumpkins do actually have some great lullabies in their catalog (see the last four or five songs on Mellon Collie or the Adore acoustic demos or some b-sides like "Medellia of the Gray Skies"). I look forward to introducing our baby to my favorite bands through their softer works. A family friend also got us this collection as a shower gift. There are definitely worse songs for a baby to fall asleep to. I bet I could even sing along to these!

Eventually our baby will grow up and think our tastes are lame, but I'm going to exert some influence over her while I can :-). I know R would like to bring her to the Winnipeg Folk Festival as many years as possible since that was kind of a tradition in her family and we always appreciate the music up there. R has also stopped listening to the news during her commute to work and replaced it with some good music, usually involving strong female singers. Maybe it's all just underwater noise to her at this point, but I like to think our little girl is enjoying the entertainment while riding to work with her mom.

32 weeks

I have never felt
anticipation building
as strongly as now.

I am witnessing,
through a thin wall of belly,
our baby growing.

Already I feel
I belong to a new pack,
one I will defend.

No expectations
but to expect to love her,
whoever she is.